I have had a crappy few days. My beloved little sister is back in the hospital with more tumors and not a very good outlook. She is scared, I am scared, my family is scared and Colleen is coloring a lot. Colleen at her young age has a healthy outlet for her fear, art. Since I was her age, I was taught that a coke, bowl of grits, pasta or a cookie will make me feel better. I still do this. I eat my way through pain. I eat to feel something good, sugar mostly – and then I feel bad for eating the sugar and then I say to myself “f-it, may as well have another cupcake.”
I threw the cupcakes out last night.
This morning I have been looking at Old Navy and Gap…so the cupcakes are gone, but cute new clothes are calling my name. A new pair of cords and boots are not going to make me feel better either. But the sure are cute.
I know what I neeeeed to be doing – praying, yogaing and talking my way through this most recent tragedy. I am evolved enough to know that eating and shopping will give me a temporary buzz and then I will feel bad about it. Yoga and prayer may not give me a buzz, but it will make me feel better (truly better, not a fake better) and I won’t feel bad about it. So, why do I go against my own common sense? I know I am not the only one in this boat – there are TONS of emotional eaters and shoppers out there. I think that is why TONS of people are fat and broke.
I am heading to my yoga room for a while before I start my day.